Patience

Welcome back!

Just a friendly reminder that I am not a medical professional, I am simply sharing my personal experiences to offer insight to others.

Today I am going to be writing about patience. It’s a loaded topic for someone with a mental disorder or any other obstacle really. Dealing with the topic of patience in this context has two trains of thought.

First, for those of us who struggle with PTSD. We need to learn to have patience with ourselves. We have to realize just how much we are going through. Reliving the worst moments of our lives, living in constant fear, paranoia, anxiety, depression… it’s a cloud of heavy emotions that don’t often clear up simultaneously. In my personal experience, I have had many highs and lows when it comes to having patience with myself and my own struggles. However, there is a beauty about going on this journey of self discovery: the more patient I am with myself, the more I am able to open another door in my life… whether it’s my growing confidence in myself, in relationships, or whether it’s understanding why I need to cry, why I have some of the symptoms I do and so on.

As soon as I started to have more patience with myself, I became more confident in who I am and the baggage that I carry because I know who I am and this is how I choose to see myself: I am a strong woman, I am twenty years old, I am a student, I am an older sister, a daughter, a friend, an observer, and a leader… Do you see anything about PTSD in there? No! And why is that? It’s because I don’t let my experience define my being. Yes, my past makes me think twice about things, and yes I still have my issues and bad days, but I know who I am because I gave up on trying to rush through the why’s and what’s of my symptoms. Instead, I took a different approach. Instead of worrying about what other people were thinking about me when I was triggered or had a meltdown or backed out of a social gathering, I focused on asking myself these simple questions:

• Why was this particular situation / sense / person / etc… a trigger for me?
• How does that connect with my experiences that caused me to suffer from PTSD?
• What can I do to calm myself down so that in the future, I can interrupt my thought processes and continue to live my best life?

Reflecting so often on these questions helped me find clarity. No one else could give me that. If you are struggling with PTSD or Anxiety, I encourage you to ask yourself these questions. I have found that when I better understand myself, I understand how to not necessarily avoid certain things, but at least know what could set me off and anticipate how to deal with it.

A strategy I use when I find myself triggered in a moment is to first remove myself from the situation (if I can). That way I am taking control of my situation which instantly brings me some comfort. Then, I consciously focus on my breathing. I don’t bother counting the seconds in and out, the goal is to have intentional breaths. The next thing I do is talk to myself (call me crazy, that’s cool, but it helps me). I tell myself that “I am fine, I am okay. I’m safe right here, right now.”

The second train of thought applies to the family and friends who are watching someone they love struggle with PTSD. Remember that your loved one is the person going through this, not you. It’s not about you, it’s about them. There may be times where they don’t want to go out or they don’t want to do something that seems harmless or innocent to you. It does no good to tell them to “get over it” or to “just do it.” Those words are so harmful, and if you cannot understand why, it may be wise to take a step back and support that person from afar.

If your primary goal is to show support for your loved one, then it is essential to have patience with them. As you’ve read already, we have to uncover and understand so much. We have to experience terrible feelings and thoughts, then we have to sort them out, then we have to learn to cope and then communicate with someone we trust. That is not easy, because most likely, they have trust boundaries that were totally shattered. Having the courage to speak up about something so horrible or devastating is amazing to me! It takes strength and a willingness to step out on a ledge, trusting someone to hear you, to validate you and support you.

I’m going to keep this entry short today because the last one was so long. I hope you found this helpful! If you are interested, I have started publishing Podcasts. I do my best to keep them as positive and informative as possible.

Have a great day and a great week! Until next time!